Today, I do.
Someone emailed me. She doesn't usually email me unless she wants information to pass off to others in a way that makes her look like she's good friends with me. She's done this a few times. It's because of a mutual friend we have and for some reason she has this competitiveness that says, "I know her better than you" attitude she displays to the other friend.
I got an email from her.
Out of the blue, like usual. I debated writing her back. I wondered what her real motive was. And then I thought, 'you know what, I'm not going to be petty and not email her back. I will tell her about cleaning my closet and painting my walls.' (Yes, I know. That's a deep friendship when you can talk so openly about mundane everyday life things-ha!)
And she responded today...telling me that our friend is coming to visit here in a few weeks.
I felt really stupid. Once again I played into her warped childish game. The sad thing is I don't even think she is aware that she does this.
I think there is something in the water in Wisconsin.
I pray for those who use me.
I pray You would bless her. Cause Your glory to shine on her. Let Your deep, rich love reach the spot of sadness inside of her that feels compelled to make herself look better by being a person who knows more or thinks they know more about others. Fill her loneliness Lord Jesus. Remind her that Your blood was enough. That she is accepted--your nail scarred hands say as much. Free her from any trace of self-hatred and shame that she carries with her.
God, let her hear the song You sing over her. Let her be awakened by the sweetness of Your Spirit and help her to stop believing the lie that says 'she's only good enough if she does this or that.' Set her free, God. Break the power of shame in her life.
Let the only thing that is worth talking about to others be Jesus Christ and His radical love for her.
I trust You, God.
In Jesus Name, Amen.